Surviving a Narcissistic Grandmother: How I Rediscovered My Maiden Energy and Inner Strength

Photo by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash

Growing up under the care of a narcissistic maternal figure can leave deep scars on one’s mental health and sense of self. For years, I lived in a household where I was not only deprived of the nurturing love every child deserves but was also subjected to relentless emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse. My grandmother, who took on the role of caretaker after my siblings and I became wards of the state, transformed from the loving figure I once knew into a tyrant who drained my spirit and stifled my growth. This is the story of how I survived her abuse and eventually rediscovered my Maiden energy, reconnecting with my divine feminine strength to heal and reclaim my life.

The Hidden Impact of Maternal Narcissistic Abuse on Mental Health

The wounds inflicted by a narcissistic maternal figure are not always visible, but they cut deep into the psyche. Growing up, I was forced to navigate a world where the person who should have been my protector was instead my most significant source of pain. My grandmother’s constant belittling, harsh criticisms, and unpredictable outbursts left me walking on eggshells, never knowing what would set her off. This relentless bullying not only eroded my self-esteem but also took a severe toll on my mental health.

As a child, I couldn’t fully comprehend why the woman who once showered me with love had turned into someone I feared. The psychological trauma of being torn down by a narcissistic grandmother manifested in various ways: chronic anxiety, low self-worth, and a deep-seated belief that I was unworthy of love or protection. These issues lingered well into adulthood, affecting my relationships, work, and overall sense of self.

The Disconnection from Maiden Energy: How Childhood Trauma Stifles Growth

The Maiden archetype within the divine feminine energy represents purity, creativity, and the youthful spirit of exploration. It is a time of innocence and wonder, where a young girl is encouraged to develop, explore, and thrive in a nurturing and supportive environment. However, my experience with my grandmother stifled this growth. Instead of nurturing my Maiden energy, she crushed it under the weight of her unresolved issues and mental illness.

From the tender age of eight, I was thrust into the role of caregiver for my younger siblings, with little time or space to explore my own identity. The household responsibilities that should never have been placed on a child’s shoulders became my burden. My childhood was cut short, and the Maiden within me—the part meant to thrive—was left to wither away.

As the eldest daughter, I was expected to be the responsible surrogate mother and obedient child who never questioned authority. My grandmother’s sharp tongue or harsh hand quickly extinguished any glimmer of joy or creativity. I was told repeatedly that I would end up like my parents—lost to addiction and failure—if I didn’t conform to her rigid expectations. This disconnection from my Maiden energy left me feeling lost and powerless, disconnected from the divine feminine that is inherently within all of us.

The Turning Point: Rediscovering My Divine Feminine and Inner Strength

It wasn’t until I reached adulthood that I began to understand the extent of the damage my grandmother’s narcissism had inflicted on me. With the help of therapy and a commitment to self-discovery, I started to reconnect with the divine feminine energy I had lost so many years before. This healing journey was not easy—it required me to confront painful memories and challenge the deeply ingrained beliefs that had been instilled in me.

One of the most significant breakthroughs came when I learned about the concept of the Maiden within the divine feminine. I realized that despite the years of trauma, this energy still resided within me, waiting to be rediscovered and nurtured. I began reclaiming my inner strength by allowing myself to explore the creativity, innocence, and joy stifled for so long.

Meditation, journaling, and connecting with nature became sacred practices that helped me tap into my Maiden energy. These practices allowed me to heal the wounds of my past and rediscover the divine feminine within me. I began to see myself not as the broken child my grandmother tried to create but as a powerful, resilient woman capable of immense growth and transformation.

Embracing My Divine Feminine: A Journey of Healing and Empowerment

Reconnecting with my Maiden energy and divine feminine strength has been a transformative experience. It has allowed me to reclaim my mental health and move forward with a renewed sense of purpose and self-worth. I have come to understand that the abuse I endured was not a reflection of my value but rather a manifestation of my grandmother’s unhealed trauma.

In embracing my divine feminine energy, I have found empowerment and a sense of peace I never thought possible. I have set boundaries with those who continue to be toxic in my life, including my grandmother, and I have surrounded myself with people who uplift and support me. This journey has been about more than just surviving—it has been about thriving and reclaiming the life that was taken from me.

Today, I stand as a testament to the human spirit's resilience and the divine feminine's power. My story is not one of defeat but of victory—of a woman who, despite the odds, has rediscovered her inner strength and embraced her true self. My Maiden energy, once stifled, now shines brightly, guiding me as I continue to heal and grow.

Conclusion: The Path to Healing is Ongoing

The journey to healing from the trauma inflicted by a narcissistic maternal figure is ongoing, but it is a path worth walking. By reconnecting with my Maiden energy and embracing the divine feminine within, I have begun to heal the wounds of the past and step into the fullness of who I am meant to be. If you are on a similar journey, know that you are not alone and that the power to heal and reclaim your life is within you. The divine feminine energy is ever-present, waiting for you to tap into it and embrace the strength and beauty that is your birthright.